Sunday, April 12, 2009

The Two-Minute Haggadah- and other holiday thoughts!

Happy Holiday everyone.. be it Passover or Easter.. this is quite a festive weekend! I went to my first Easter Egg hunt, with my husband's family. Wow.. what a plethora of good friends, family, cute kids and undending sweets! It was a wonderful way to enjoy a beautiful day.. and reminded me of when we used to hunt for the Afekomen (the middle piece of matzah that is hidden during the seder and the children hunt for it after the meal. The seder cannot be completed without everyone eating a piece of the afekomen.)

With that thought in mind.. I share with you my favorite Passover seder.. a funny (and quick) passover story.. with brisket included!

The Two-Minute Haggadah-A Passover service for the impatient.
By Michael Rubiner

Opening prayers:

Thank God for creating wine. (Drink wine.)
Thanks for creating produce. (Eat parsley.)


Once we were slaves in Egypt. Now we’re free. That’s why we’re
doing this.

Four questions:

1. What’s up with the matzah?
2. What’s the deal with horseradish?
3. What’s with the dipping of the herbs?
4. What’s this whole slouching at the table business?


1. When we left Egypt, we were in a hurry. There was no time for making decent bread.
2. Life was bitter, like horseradish.
3. It’s called symbolism.
4. Free people get to slouch.

A funny story:

Once, these five rabbis talked all night, then it was morning.

(eat soup now.)

The four kinds of children and how to deal with them:

Wise child - explain Passover.
Simple child - explain Passover slowly.
Silent child - explain Passover loudly.
Wicked child - explain in front of the relatives.

Speaking of children:

We hid some matzah. Whoever finds it gets five bucks.

The story of Passover:

It’s a long time ago. We’re slaves in Egypt. Pharaoh is a
nightmare. We cry out for help. God brings plagues upon the
Egyptians. We escape, bake some matzah. God parts the Red Sea. We
make it through; the Egyptians aren’t so lucky. We wander 40 years in
the desert, eat manna, get the Torah, wind up in Israel, get a new
temple, enjoy several years without being persecuted again.

(Let brisket cool now.)

The 10 Plagues:

Blood, Frogs, Lice - you name it.

The singing of “Dayenu”:

If God had gotten us out of Egypt and not punished our enemies, it
would’ve been enough. If he’d punished our enemies and not parted the
Red Sea, it would’ve been enough, oh, Dayenu! Dayenu, Dayenu…

If he’d parted the Red Sea -

(Remove gefilte fish from refrigerator now.)

Eat matzah. Take a few more sips of way too sweet red wine . Slouch.

Again thank God for everything.

I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! Usual Sunday update is happening tomorrow instead! See you then!!

1 comment:

aprilsoriginals said...

LOL, you are so funny Esther!! Hope you had a good Easter!